I confess, I’m an evil working mom (EWM).  By “working”, I mean I work outside my home.  By “evil” I mean that like many of my fellow working moms, I often feel guilty about not making my family my full-time job. 

Its not that I didn’t try the full-time mom thing because I did and was determined to do it very well.  My kids were going to know sign language before they were old enough to speak, our home was going to remain immaculate, our diets were going to consist of healthy home cooked gourmet food and my husband was never going to have to run a domestic errand again.  Wow – and I thought being an executive was hard work.

The thing was though, I never found the time to learn sign language myself let alone teach my toddler.  Having two little boys crawling and toddling around was hardly conducive to maintaining decor worthy of Better Homes and Gardens let alone Domino.  After attempting to purchase everything for my husband from underwear to a belt and being repeatedly asked to return or exchange those items for alternate sizes and colors, I told him it would be best if he ran his own d@!$ errands.  And since any home cooked meal produced by me means either an additional burn or knife scar, I think my expectations were slightly unrealistic. 

Even worse, I found I was missing that gene my neighbors seemed to have – the one that prevented me from losing my cool when my children didn’t politely respond to every request from mom with angelic compliance.  When my neighbors’ kids whined or were on the verge of tantrums, they all seemed to deal with it flawlessly without missing a beat.  Why couldn’t I do that?

So in the end, being a full-time mom was the only job I’ve ever been fired from.  Well, maybe not fired, lets just say it was a mutual decision between me and my husband that if we didn’t want totally neurotic children, it would be best if I went back to work. 

That was about five years ago and although it still seems like a good decision, it hasn’t come without a price.  I often feel totally inadequate compared to the full-time moms in my neighborhood or at my sons’ school.  And of course my little boys have figured out how to exploit that feeling – I don’t remember being that smart as a child.  And so there is this constant struggle between knowing that I’m being outsmarted by my diabolically ingenious children and suspecting that my sweet little boys really need some more mommy time. 

One thing that does help is my suspicion that I’m not the only one struggling.  So I’m hoping to see a few encouraging comments from other EWMs and I look forward to discussing strategies with you for dealing with the classic EWM guilt.  In the mean time, I’ve got to get to bed so I can get my children’s snacks made before my early morning meeting tomorrow.