I confess, I actually like grocery shopping.  Usually I go by myself while my husband hangs with the boys at home so its actually some nice me time.  Even though there is a brand new huge store just across the freeway, I almost always go to a smaller old store that is slightly closer and that has been there since I was a young girl.  Unfortunately, my experience tonight was not great reinforcement for that behavior.

I filled my cart and since I had several items, passed up the self check out and headed for the one checkout lane available for shoppers with more than 15 items.  There were two people ahead of me and I was distracted by some of the more obnoxious magazine covers so I didn’t notice the rather lengthy line forming behind me.  When the lady behind me asked the checker if she could call her manager, it occurred to me that I had been waiting a while.  The checker looked annoyed and confused so the lady who made the request added that the line was getting long and perhaps it would be helpful to open up another lane.  The checker muttered something under her breath and then took her time making the call.

After several minutes another checker finally appeared and the customer who had requested that a manager be called moved to the new lane.  The checker immediately began complaining about the customer stating that the line had not been that long.  At this point, I was starting to get pretty annoyed myself so in classic me fashion I spoke up to defend my fellow customer.  I informed the checker that actually the line had gotten pretty long and furthermore the vocal customer had not been complaining about her – she merely requested that she call for some help.  At this point, the checker fell silent and refused to make eye contact with me.

Normally I’m very appreciative of employees at the grocery store.  These folks work on holidays so that I have the convenience of being able to shop at the last minute and the butchers at this particular store take really good care of me.  But here we are in a down economy with a much newer and nicer store right around the corner and this chick is being rude to her customers (also know as the people that keep her employed.)

So instead of having my usual relaxing grocery shopping experience, I came home annoyed.  Annoyed because I would never treat one of my customers that way.  Annoyed because if that kind of behavior continues, my favorite grocery store probably won’t make it.  Annoyed because this checker obviously hasn’t figured out that if the store goes, her job goes with it and then she’ll be collecting unemployment – funded in part by my tax dollars.  Annoyed because in these uncertain times it doesn’t take much to get me thinking about the entitlement attitude and behavior that got us into this economic mess.  And most of all, annoyed because I’m worried about my boys and what the remainer of their childhood will be like in this down economy.

I confess my family will all be wearing wrinkled clothes this week. 

Ever since my children switched from nanny to aftercare, I’ve re-inherited the job of doing the family laundry – these are the times I miss our nanny the most.  The real art to doing the laundry is all about timing i.e. will you be available to transfer wet clothes into the dryer when the washer is finished and will you be available to fold/hang clothes as soon as they are dry?  For me the answer is rarely “yes”.

This week was particularly difficult because I had two evening events scheduled (something that almost never happens).  So there were at least two late nights of getting laundry done so that my children would have clean clothes to wear to school the next day – yes, I got behind on laundry last weekend too.  Anyway, I was doing good to stay awake (actually sleep on the couch) long enough to get past the first transfer let alone execute the final folding step.  So, my kids, husband and I will all be wearing wrinkled clothes for the next several days.

The first evening event was drinks with some friends from a networking group.  This is the first time that I have accepted an invitation to meet with my networking buddies without my husband after hours and I confess it was really fun.  So fun in fact that I lost track of time and didn’t get home until after midnight.  So fun that I did not hear my cell phone when my husband tried to call me and so fun that I forgot to call him.  Our dogs had human company that night. 

I adore my family and have no desire to regularly spend evenings away from them, but I didn’t realize how much I missed the simple pleasure of drinks with a few friends.  So now the dilemma is, should I plan to meet that craving at least once a few times a year so that I’m not so starved for a relaxed evening with my buds that I age my husband two years in two hours? Or should I go back to my policy of never attending these events? I don’t remember my mother attending those kinds of events.  Does that desire alone make me a super EWM? Or would all be forgiven if my family wasn’t condemned to wearing wrinkled clothes for the week?

I confess, I’m an evil working mom (EWM).  By “working”, I mean I work outside my home.  By “evil” I mean that like many of my fellow working moms, I often feel guilty about not making my family my full-time job. 

Its not that I didn’t try the full-time mom thing because I did and was determined to do it very well.  My kids were going to know sign language before they were old enough to speak, our home was going to remain immaculate, our diets were going to consist of healthy home cooked gourmet food and my husband was never going to have to run a domestic errand again.  Wow – and I thought being an executive was hard work.

The thing was though, I never found the time to learn sign language myself let alone teach my toddler.  Having two little boys crawling and toddling around was hardly conducive to maintaining decor worthy of Better Homes and Gardens let alone Domino.  After attempting to purchase everything for my husband from underwear to a belt and being repeatedly asked to return or exchange those items for alternate sizes and colors, I told him it would be best if he ran his own d@!$ errands.  And since any home cooked meal produced by me means either an additional burn or knife scar, I think my expectations were slightly unrealistic. 

Even worse, I found I was missing that gene my neighbors seemed to have – the one that prevented me from losing my cool when my children didn’t politely respond to every request from mom with angelic compliance.  When my neighbors’ kids whined or were on the verge of tantrums, they all seemed to deal with it flawlessly without missing a beat.  Why couldn’t I do that?

So in the end, being a full-time mom was the only job I’ve ever been fired from.  Well, maybe not fired, lets just say it was a mutual decision between me and my husband that if we didn’t want totally neurotic children, it would be best if I went back to work. 

That was about five years ago and although it still seems like a good decision, it hasn’t come without a price.  I often feel totally inadequate compared to the full-time moms in my neighborhood or at my sons’ school.  And of course my little boys have figured out how to exploit that feeling – I don’t remember being that smart as a child.  And so there is this constant struggle between knowing that I’m being outsmarted by my diabolically ingenious children and suspecting that my sweet little boys really need some more mommy time. 

One thing that does help is my suspicion that I’m not the only one struggling.  So I’m hoping to see a few encouraging comments from other EWMs and I look forward to discussing strategies with you for dealing with the classic EWM guilt.  In the mean time, I’ve got to get to bed so I can get my children’s snacks made before my early morning meeting tomorrow.